I’m still thinking about it.  Sigh. 

One of the worst and best things about this life is that you really have no idea what is going to happen at any given moment.  People can love you or slam your face into the ground; buildings can stand or fall.  Nothing is really certain.

I was listening to some music the other day at a friend’s house.  I didn’t choose the music, and had never heard it before.  The main lyric in the song was “my faith is like shifting sand/so I stand on grace”.  This too seemed really dichotomous to me.  I guess I’ve thought that faith is like the strongest thing one can have in life.  I mean, how many movies talk about faith (or freedom or love or such ideals) can be the only thing that no one can really take away from us!?  I don’t get how you can have weak faith and not be able to stand, and yet sing about it.  I just don’t get it.

I used to be one who stood, strongly too, on faith alone.  I’m not sure what exactly happened; I think it was a series of many things, and I feel like my faith just sort of fell out from under me.  Maybe I fell into or out of it.  I don’t really know actually.  But when you spend a lot of time in your life standing on faith, and circumstances don’t work out, you shouldn’t question your faith, should you?  Or should you?

And so continues the dichotomy.  I don’t like being confused–it’s something I ironically didn’t expect to happen a lot in my life.  (Probably because of the standing on faith thing).  I just can’t believe the things I have been considering lately!  I mean stuff I would have never let enter my radar is at the forefront of my mind–things that I knew without a doubt ‘I believe x about y,’ and now I don’t know that I’m sure.

I have heard it said that people change their beliefs when it works for them.  It would work for me in my life in some ways right now if I changed some of my beliefs.  I kinda don’t want to, though. 

And so the dichotomy remains.